So I am poking around online and finding a bunch of cool blogger templates, but none are really quite "me".
It's no wonder I can't settle on one website template...I have such a variety of interests that it makes it hard to commit my attention to one thing. Some days I'm pretty old school and want to be out with a notebook journaling or a sketchpad, puddy eraser, and pencils at the local coffee house just getting the latest sketch down on paper. Other days, I want total technical automation and scripting with video blogging, etc. Some days I want to write a book -- other days I want to splatter paint on canvas and call it art. Of course then other days, I think it would be neat to walk dogs for a living or even do daycare!
However, like most other people I know, I get up every day and go to my day job, barely fitting in a few hours of personal face time in the evening with my spouse or a close friend or two. Forget things I might like to do or think would theoretically be fun. I owe, I owe...so off to work I go, right?!
Maybe some day I will write a book and maybe I'll get to have a family, or at least visit family. Maybe there will be a time when I can learn a language or focus some attention on relearning perspective drawing and play around with abstract art. And then my husband, who 3 years ago today asked me to marry him, gets a sad look in his eyes and says something like he just wants to go dig wells for people who don't have access to water. Wow, how self-centered I can be! Perhaps someday I'll realize that all that stuff fades away and what really matters is relationships and my relationship with God. It sounds nice. But what does that really mean? Sometimes I seem so numb to the world and these ethereal concepts.
It's not that I don't believe... I do. But many days I wish for something more tangible.
I have been blessed in so many ways though. So while there's no template for life, and no checklist to follow to achieve "spiritual enlightenment", and never enough hours in the day or night to fit everything in...I know this is all temporary so remembering what's most important in life helps. Remembering that God will provide my every need as he always has so I don't need to worry. I even realize that He will equip me with the knowledge I will need down the road and if not, then He will provide some other way. No wonder I can't find a template! I don't even know where I'm headed yet. I can easily set the bar too high or sell myself short. So what am I whining about? As if the creator of the universe needs to share His plans for my approval?! Who do we really think we are?
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