My First Baby

Sixteen years ago, I thought I had ruined every opportunity I might ever have for having children and even a healthy relationship. I told my doctor I didn't want kids, for fear I would mess them up, so they might as well give me a hysterectomy right then.

My brother and sister-in-law gave me a ticket to the crazy cat lady world that Christmas, a gift certificate to the Idaho Humane Society so I could adopt a kitten. Or maybe I was hanging around them far too much so they thought I needed something to absorb my time... whatever the reason....

After Christmas that year, I found the blackest cat I could find to dispel all superstition and I just loved the sleek look of a black short hair cat. I know, immaturity abounds! She was a barn kitty, very shy; her brother was there too with such spunky boyishness about him. I considered taking them both home but thought they really didn't seem all that bonded together and I wasn't sure I could be responsible for two pets, having never had an indoor cat before and having only ever really cared for large outdoor dogs and one outdoor elderly antisocial cat that basically cared for itself via mice and neighborhood begging.

I really had no business adopting a pet at that point. I worked most nights, loved my freedom, and ran a small business during the day that in my inexperience and immaturity I thought was a real business selling travel packages as an independent contractor but really it was an MLM scheme.  When it was all said and done I had to take a loss of $14K on that business and eventually file bankruptcy (much later) to get out of some of the binding contracts that would have me paying them until death do us part.

So back to our cat tale, I brought home a black cat with a white star on her chest. She livened up right away and loved that I had a 2 bedroom apartment all to myself … and now her. She tore around every corner of her new space attacking paper, shredding it and making sure that I was awake most of anytime I tried to sleep. I named her Baby since I figured she would be the only baby I would ever have and she seemed oddly OK with me holding her like a baby... for a few minutes anyway.

Baby quietly begging for affection.

Fast forward 16 years, I still have Baby with me and now a lively baby kicking around in my womb. The journey to THAT is purely a testimony of God’s grace and provision but a story for another time. My furry friend is now showing her age, needing constant reassurance and loving attention as her kidney disease progresses, food allergies torture her with ear irritation, and arthritis plagues her movements. We had a quality of life exam at the vet yesterday and as much as it pulls at my heartstrings to see my friend in pain so much of every day, I refuse to dope her up and prolong the suffering. In evaluating her status, I see that the Hills Science diet has a lot of the allergens she struggles with so, although that’s what the vets recommend for a kitty with kidney disease, I have taken her off the dry K/D diet. She has shown a remarkable improvement over the last 3 days without it and only eats wet food now. A trip to Mud Bay and a lot of trial and error about a year ago showed that she does well on the fish versions of the Best Feline Friend (BFF) and Weruva brands of canned food, adding lots of water for her kidneys -- so we are back to just that for food.

My Baby is the sweetest cat ever and has never bit anyone before but in the last two years she has started biting lightly as a warning that she doesn’t like something you’re doing, usually petting around the hindquarters. Her days consist of sleeping in daddy’s favorite chairs or on mommy’s lap if she can get me to sit still long enough or make enough room on my lap with the ever increasing preggo belly intruding on her space. I don’t know how much longer I will have my furry friend in my life, the vet says she looks good and doesn’t look all that sick but of course, she is a beautiful sweet thing that just wants love and affection at this point. He doesn’t see the many times she lays in her favorite spot not even able to sleep and looking at me like she just wants me to make the pain stop. In the last few years she has lost her spunk, lost her confidence around people and other animals, no longer plays, seems fearful of everything and will hide in the closet after any kind of medication or probing amongst many other unpleasant unmentionable symptoms.

After seeing my own mother suffer through kidney failure, I can imagine that if Baby is experiencing even a fraction of that kind of suffering, I don’t want to extend it. But how do you make that call really? Cat’s hide so much of their pain and can be loving and affectionate right up to the end while refusing to eat or drink. How do I do this, especially when the vet doesn’t see it? It seemed like he was telling me that because her coat was still shiny and eyes were not sunken in that she couldn’t possibly be that sick. Sadly, how she looks says nothing about her quality of life in my opinion. So we are keeping an eye on her, with a wet food only diet laced with Kitty Kalm (herbal calming drops) and lots of added water. Today I realized that she has not been drinking water for the last few weeks, only the fluid from her food and leaving most of the food bits yet her litter box is full of urine every day. Lord, give me strength to do what is best for my friend.